I still cannot believe that this year marks 20 years since I graduated from high school! Seriously, where has the time gone?! I was in choir all four years, and towards the end of my senior year, I signed up for Senior Solo Night and performed a well-known song at the time: Only Hope from A Walk to Remember, which was a very popular film that year. Who else remembers this film?
Well, let's just say that it wasn't my best performance, as I was nervous and the song was sung at a slower tempo than I intended. I am still proud of myself though for singing a solo in front of a large audience. So, in reminiscing about my high school days, I decided that I needed a redo with this song! What I didn't realize was that I would be recording this song at a time when I was experiencing a reawakening in my relationship with God.
I recognize those of you who also believe in a Higher Power, but do not refer to it as "God." Some may call it the Universe, or Source, or something else. I want to make sure you can all relate to what I am about to share, based on your own understanding of a Higher Power and what that means for you.
I grew up in a Christian household, and along with my own understanding of God, I was also discovering that I was wise beyond my years. So, Mandy Moore's character in the film, Jamie Sullivan, was relatable. I often felt out of place, like I didn't belong, and yet, I still continued to beat to my own drum and share my wisdoms! Singing "Only Hope" made sense at the time, and it was a way for me to comfortably express my faith in God.
A lot of life has happened to me over the past 20 years, and my understanding of God has expanded. It's no longer just within the confines of what a church teaches, and I embrace more of a spiritual approach these days. I see God in everything, from nature, to music, and even signs and symbols. However, over the years, I've let my understanding of self-worth, in connection to God's love for me, slip a bit. I haven't built myself up in that way as often, and lately, I've recognized that I was in need of a loving nudge, and I've even been listening to gospel music again! It's important for me to view myself through the lens of God's unconditional love, and avoid limiting beliefs or any hurt I've experienced from others.
With the state of the world feeling chaotic and overwhelming, I've also been seeking more peace and ways to better activate faith instead of fear. I've had to completely surrender my fears and for once, let God take care of what I cannot control. God has, once again, become that "only hope" for me.
There's a sing that's inside of my soul It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again I'm awake in the infinite cold But you sing to me over and over and over again So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray To be only yours I know now you're my only hope Sing to me the song of the stars Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray To be only yours I know now you're my only hope I give you my destiny I'm giving you all of me I want your symphony Singing in all that I am At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray To be only yours I pray To be only yours I know now you're my only hope
-"Only Hope" lyrics, written by Jonathan Foreman
My understanding of this song is that it paints a beautiful and intimate picture of God's love. It represents God's loving presence, even in the midst of struggle or conflict: "I'm awake in the infinite cold, but you sing to me over and over and over again." The chorus speaks of faith and surrender: "So I lay my head back down, and I lift my hands and pray, to be only yours...I know now, you're my only hope."
I find comfort in these lyrics, whenever I feel frustrated or impatient: "When it feels like my dreams are so far, sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again." I still believe that God is all-knowing and that we all have purpose in this life. I just need to be constantly reminded because my own doubtful thoughts get in the way sometimes!
These lyrics are my favorite, and poetically express surrender and connection to God: "I give you my destiny, I'm giving you all of me, I want your symphony, singing in all that I am." Surrender can often be misinterpreted as giving up or not taking any initiative. I believe that surrender is when we let go of what we cannot control but still continue to move forward and take those necessary steps. The symphony part symbolically represents how I interpret a relationship with God. I believe that God is both in us and that we are of God, a place of light and love. So, imagining that God is our symphony that we get to sing along with in life is a beautiful connection!
I hope this song and video helps you feel inspired and activates your own faith if you've been feeling doubtful.
I'd like to leave you all with these wisdoms as well: it's never too late for a redo, don't be afraid to express your faith, keep singing your life song, and find the beauty in surrender.
Shine on, friends!
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