I had some deep conversations with a few others this past week about how debilitating it is to not only feel rejected, but to also be unable to fully express who we are because of the fear of rejection. We become so afraid of what others may think of us if we reveal our true selves, no holding back.
This fear makes us feel like we are the only ones experiencing it, but the truth is, we all have an ingrained fear of rejection within us. If we delve even further, what we fear the most is what could happen after rejection: loneliness and isolation, feeling we are unworthy of love, and becoming more depressed and anxious.
Unfortunately, when this fear of rejection begins to dominate our lives, we become what we feared the most. We are so afraid of continuing to be judged by others that we stop expressing who we really are, which makes us feel socially isolated, and develop a very low self-esteem. This is the complete opposite of joy and filling that joy cup.
Experiencing rejection in the first place is incredibly hurtful and a Healthline article explains that the pain from rejection alerts our brain in the same way as with physical pain. And many of us have lived through traumatizing rejection that comes in the form of bullying, abandonment, or toxic people and environments. Going through something like that can take nearly a lifetime to heal and it's hard to completely shake it off.
So, how do we transform our experiences with rejection into something positive so that we can begin to heal? Well, since rejection lowers our self-worth, the best way to counteract that is to embark on a journey towards self-acceptance. We can begin to adopt the mindset that those who don't want to accept us for the unique, wonderful, and beautiful souls that we are, they are the ones missing out...it's their loss, not ours.
There's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark You should know you're beautiful just the way you are And you don't have to change a thing The world could change its heart No scars to your beautiful We're stars and we're beautiful.
-Lyrics from Scars To Your Beautiful, Know-It-All album, performed by Alessia Cara
The lyrics from this empowering Alessia Cara song emphasize self-acceptance, encouraging us to embrace who we truly are without the pressures of this world and the fear of rejection if we don't conform to those standards. The part that gets me all choked up is "The world could change its heart." This is so powerful because it represents a full release of the world's grasp on us and sends back the message that the world needs to change its view on individuality, beauty, and uniqueness. It's no longer our problem to base our worth on what others think of us. It's our time for self-acceptance. And as the song goes on to say, there's "no better you than the you that you are" and "no better time for your shine, you're a star."
"Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."
-Steve Maraboli, life-changing speaker, bestselling author, and behavioral science academic
As you practice self-acceptance, I encourage you to be open to a new perception of rejection. While the quickest and most destructive path is to sink into low self-worth, I've found that many of the times, when I've experienced rejection, I have actually propelled forward to a better place than where I was before.
Transforming our experience into self-acceptance helps us grow so that we can be that beacon for others suffering from rejection. When we deal with rejection after rejection, it empowers us even more to embrace who we are and be the complete opposite of the judgmental people and environments we've come from. And then, we can truly shine our joy to others.
Shine on, my friends!
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